UPDATE / Week of February 22 to 28 AND Notch #2 Trophy

Last week’s BABY STEP — TO TRUST… and let it drip — brought me a steady flow of aha! moments.

It got me to experience the Law of Attraction in all its glory: after what seemed like a never-ending period of doubt and soul-searching — and thanks to my perseverance, my pursuit of non-stop action, and my unwavering focus on creating a better life for myself — I was able to flush a two-thousand-year-old bad karma. Alleluia!

Purged of all negative emotions anchored in the past,
I draw inspiration from the Source and get my fill of creativity.
I AM RICH.

Guided by a very dear friend (a medium who wishes to remain anonymous), I discovered why it was that, over the years, I had slowly sunk myself into poverty.

Following a message she had received for me concerning a past life,  my friend gave me the following homework: to write a report about what I had gathered from poverty. The subject haunted me for three days and three nights. The day of our meeting, I wrote twenty pages — handwritten — where I spoke of shame, sorrow, guilt, anger, deception, isolation, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, sadness, boredom, worry, humiliation… but also of understanding, humility, compassion, gratitude.

Once I was done doing this exercise, and after twelve hours of a captivating conversation mixed with King Cole tea, vegetarian spaghetti, and decadent chocolate cake, I felt liberated from the feeling of lack which had afflicted me ever since birth. Not only the lack of financial means, but also the lack of LOVE.

This said, I still have a heck of a lot of work to do in order to pull myself out of the hole I’m in. But I’m confident everything will work out fine… one baby step at a time.

TROPHY
for Notch #2

I only deserve HALF!

I had two goals for February… I only reached one.

My first goal was to create a decent “about me” page on both my English and French sites = failure.

All I did was put up an audio message saying that I would be adding information on a regular basis… to please check in often.

Consequently, as soon as I accomplish this mission, I will receive the other half of the trophy.

My second goal was to create a new habit: S-T-R-E-T-C-H for 20 minutes every day following my morning walk = SUCCESS!

I’m back to my flexible self again and it feels great. Not only do I stretch after my morning walk, but I also do it whenever I need a break from working at the computer or from any other task that requires hours of concentration. Excellent!

CONCLUSION: February was all about introspection and the elimination of old thought patterns. Now that I’ve made peace with poverty, bring on abundance!

I am
RICH RICH RICH

REFERENCES: The 12-Notch Plan — Notch #2 – GOALS for February — Notch #2 – BABY STEPS / Week of February 22 to 28

Notch #2 – BABY STEPS / Week of February 22 to 28

my
BABY STEP
this week:

TO TRUST…
and let it drip!

I know — I’m late for my BABY STEP post. I’ve been experiencing a major soulquake, and it has disrupted my routine.

I spent the last five days wondering if I’m going forward or backwards. I feel like I’ve been trying and trying and trying all my life… without ever getting anywhere. Could it be that I’m trying too hard? That the problem with me is in the “trying,” in the wanting to “control” everything?

I even started to question my 12-Notch Plan. Because after all, the whole point of the plan is for me to become more creative, more productive. So am I being too organized? Too structured? Not letting myself go with the flow? Going with what flow? And where exactly is it that I want to go?

Sheesh!

After writing about this in my Morning Pages (and in my afternoon pages, and my evening pages, and my night pages… ), I decided to thumb through The Artist’s Way in the hope that I would find an answer.

Well aha! I found it. And I’m glad to say that I can stick to my 12-Notch Plan. But I must understand that when it comes to creativity, I need to stop trying so hard and start trusting the process.

That I’m not the boss…
I’m the bucket!

Here’s the excerpt from The Artist’s Way that gave me the permission to not feel guilty about my moments of inaction:

Creativity — like human life itself — begins in darkness. We need to acknowledge this. All too often, we think only in terms of light: “And then the lightbulb went on and I got it!” It is true that insights may come to us as flashes. It is true that some of these flashes may be blinding. It is, however, also true that such bright ideas are preceded by a gestation period that is interior, murky, and completely necessary.

We speak often about ideas as brainchildren. What we do not realize is that brainchildren, like all babies, should not be dragged from the creative womb prematurely. Ideas, like stalactites and stalagmites, form in the dark inner cave of consciousness. They form in drips and drops, not by squared-off building blocks. We must learn to wait for an idea to hatch. Or, to use a gardening image, we must learn to not pull our ideas up by the roots to see if they are growing.

Mulling on the page is an artless art form. It is fooling around. It is doodling. It is the way that ideas slowly take shape and form until they are ready to help us see the light. All too often, we try to push, pull, outline, and control our ideas instead of letting them grow organically. The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.

Mystery is at the heart of creativity. That, and surprise. All too often, when we say we want to be creative, we mean that we want to be able to be productive. Now, to be creative is to be productive — but by cooperating with the creative process, not forcing it.

As creative channels, we need to trust the darkness. We need to learn to gently mull instead of churning away like a little engine on a straight-ahead path. This mulling on the page can be very threatening. “I’ll never get any real ideas this way!” we fret.

Hatching an idea is a lot like baking bread. An idea needs to rise. If you poke at it too much at the beginning, if you keep checking on it, it will never rise. A loaf of bread or a cake, baking, must stay for a good long time in the darkness and safety of the oven. Open that oven too soon and the bread collapses — or the cake gets a hole in its middle because all the steam has rushed out of it. Creativity requires a respectful reticence.

The truth is that this is how to raise the best ideas. Let them grow in dark and mystery. Let them form on the roof of our consciousness. Let them hit the page in droplets. Trusting this slow and seemingly random drip, we will be startled one day by the flash of “Oh! That’s it!“

And you…
How’s your bucket?

REFERENCES: The 12-Notch Plan — Notch #2 – GOALS for February — Morning Pages

UPDATE / Week of January 4 to 10

REFERENCES: Going Up a Notch – THE PLAN — Notch #1 – GOALS for January — Notch #1 – BABY STEPS / Week of January 4 to 10

Here are the baby steps that were planned
and the progress that was made.

THE ROAD TRIP SHOW

BABY STEP:
Recording of Episode 1
must be 100% done by Sunday.

PROGRESS:

Not done. Not even close. I’ll be generous and say I’m 40% done.

So as of tonight, I’m not sure the show will be ready for its scheduled launch on Wednesday. Will know for sure by Tuesday. I’m crossing my fingers, as opposed to what I would have done in a not-so-distant past which is mentally crush them with a nail-studded iron bar.

Learning to let go.

Learning to be kinder to myself.

Learning to not make a big deal about a make-believe radio show — Hello?

JUSTIFICATION:

After listening to what I had recorded last month and finding it boooooring, I decided to destroy the tracks and start all over again. This means I had way more work to do this week than was expected.

Good news is, after a series of botched recordings, I finally began to relax and was therefore able to find the right tone and rhythm for the show. This happened yesterday — YESSS! I can’t begin to tell you what a relief it was for me to start having fun with this project instead of feeling the pressure to “perform.” Still, I have to be very careful not to get caught in the perfectionnist trap — darn that monster is hard to eliminate!

And I must add to this litany of excuses the fact I’ve been having problems with WordPress. It used to be I only had them with my French blog, but as of last Monday, posting on my English blog has also become a challenge. Will be updating both of them either right after the show’s launch, or before if the old version eats up too much of my time and energy.

ADJUSTMENTS:

I need to determine what my priorities are. This week, I should have concentrated on recording The Road Trip Show. It should have been my main creativity/productivity goal. Instead, I wrote 6 posts for my English blog and 5 posts for my French blog. A total of 11 posts this week. And that doesn’t include this update and its French version. For a grand total of 13 posts.

What was I thinking?!!

Of course this being the first week of The 12-Notch Plan, I had to present a detailed picture of what I had in mind as well as play by the rules and post an update. But I could have done without the post on the decline of my neighbourhood and the ones documenting my morning walks.

THE CONTEST

BABY STEP:
Create the product to be won
by 2 of the trippers on the Happy Bus.

PROGRESS:

Done! The illustration — which already existed but wasn’t “clean” enough for printing purposes — has been drawn over and is now ready to be sent off to CafePress.

THE HEALTHY ME

BABY STEP:
Walk at least 60 minutes every day.

PROGRESS:

Done… but overdone! I went from not taking the time to walk because I was too busy working, to walking 90 minutes yesterday and close to 3 hours today.

Not good for productivity.

ADJUSTMENTS:

Walk no more than 1 hour each morning, from 8 to 9.

And stop posting about my walks when I have more important goals to reach.

I have to mention how Julien Smith inspired me to make my morning walks a priority for both my physical and mental well-being. As I mentioned above, I tend to work, work, work, the day goes by, and I end up not taking my walk on account of it’s too late, too dark, I’m too tired, don’t feel like it, blah blah blah.

When I read Julien’s posts, How To Make Your New Year’s Resolution Actually Happen and Give in to the Machine, I had an aha! moment. It’s all about restriction… and creating habits. Check it out!

BABY STEP:
Eat 5 small meals every day.

PROGRESS:

Not happening. I’ve been eating mostly 2 meals a day. And pretty much the same thing every day.

JUSTIFICATION:

Because I don’t schedule it. Because I get absorbed by my work and forget about it. Because I don’t plan ahead to have food available and in a wide variety.

Because, because, because.

ADJUSTMENTS:

Plan ahead. Make sure I have enough food for the week. Set my timer and eat!

That’s it for this week.
See you tomorrow…
for another week of baby steps.

exCerpt du jour (1) – Erica Jong on Henry Miller

“exCerpt du jour” is a new series
all about… excerpts!

Excerpts from books, magazine and newspaper articles,
songs, poems, even excerpts from my personal journals.

So whenever I feel like sharing something that stirs me in some way,
I’ll have a “special box” to put it in.

Today’s excerpt is from
The Devil at Large — Erica Jong on Henry Miller.
Published in 1993

The book jacket describes it as being “part biography, part memoir, part critical study, part exploration of sexual politics in our times.” But for me it’s the story of a beautiful friendship, one that began in 1974 when Erica Jong, then the author of a relatively obscure first novel called Fear of Flying, received an enthusiastic fan letter from Henry Miller, then an old man of eighty-three. The friendship would last until Miller’s death in 1980.

I first read Devil at Large in May 1995 (jotted the date inside the book). Back then, having previously struggled through Miller’s infamous Tropic of Cancer and, of course,  knowing full well his reputation as  a misogynist and writer of smut, I was surprised to learn that he was actually a spiritual man. His “aha! moment” came in 1939 when he left Paris and settled in Greece, hoping to wait out the war there. Aged forty-seven, Henry was about to be transformed.

And so it is that Miller found in Greece the inspiration for his book The Colossus of Maroussi which brought about many discussions. Here’s what Jong has to say about Miller’s transition from lewdness to light:

Mary Dearborn acknowledges the beauty of Maroussi‘s prose, but she dismisses the book in a few lines: “His recounting of one spiritual experience after another tends to bore readers who are not taken up with mysticism.”

Of course, “mysticism” — the very word has become pejorative — is always boring to those who believe only in materialism. “Boring” is in itself a codeword for fear — as any psychoanalyst can tell you. There is a whole school of journalists and critics who will dismiss as “New Age claptrap” everything from Maroussi to Walden to the Tao Te Ching to Shirley MacLaine’s bestsellers as if there were no difference in quality or in kind.

Probably the fear of enlightenment is greater in some people than the attraction toward it, but some of us are drawn to it, while others stubbornly turn their backs, claiming the light does not exist. One cannot argue about the possibility of enlightenment any more than one can argue about the existence of god and goddess. It requires a leap of faith, an act of amazing grace. Miller made that leap of faith in Greece. Many of his chroniclers cannot follow him.

Even Robert Ferguson, who is a somewhat less grudging and bitter critic of Henry than Mary Dearborn, says of Maroussi that “a second rebirth, coming so soon after the first one in Paris with Tropic of Cancer, might seem like one rebirth too many.” But spiritual experiences are cumulative. They gather like waves and result in breakthroughs. Creative life does not proceed by accumulating anthills of  “facts.” Rather there is a slow accretion of experience, of learning one’s craft, of growing spiritually, until suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, one soars to a new level. If you’ve experienced it, you believe it. If you haven’t, you disbelieve.

Of all Henry’s biographers, Jay Martin best comprehends Miller’s mission to free his readers. He records the sense of liberation and ease Miller felt in Greece. After the frenzy of the Paris years, where he wrote and wrote to empty himself of the bitterness of his past, he was finally able to draw a long breath of life and light. He returned to America a new person. In a sense, his soul had been shriven.

Perhaps Maroussi is played down by Miller’s biographers because it is “a book without sex,” as one of his Greek friends predicted. It doesn’t fit the Miller stereotype, so it is safer to ignore it than to acknowledge that Miller was multifaceted, both as a human being and as a writer. In this age of electronic sound bites and media stereotyping, few public figures are allowed complexity, compli- cation, or chiaroscuro ⁽¹⁾. Miller is seen as the antic goat, nothing more. How can we notice that his central book is full of sea and sun, not slime and sperm? It would make our precious point of view seem wrong! The truth is that Miller was on a spiritual journey his whole life — and Greece was at the heart of it.

…

Henry turned serene, almost seraphic in Greece, and all his friends noticed the change. He began his lifelong romance with the wisdom of the ages — yoga, Zen, the I Ching. His friend Ghika (whom he called Giks), the painter from Hydra, predicted that Greece would change Henry: “If you came to Greece as a Parisian bohemian, you have become a pilgrim,” he said. “Henceforth your writing must be different.” Maroussi was to prove Ghika right.

⁽¹⁾ Chiaroscuro: here’s the meaning… just in case you don’t know.
I sure didn’t!

Now off to the library I go…
to fetch The Colossus of Maroussi.

Down With Boredom!

I think I’ve told you before how easily I get bored.
If not, I’m telling you now: boredom follows me
around like a shadow. As far back as I can recall,
I’ve always ended up in a rut.

And this explains why I haven’t been posting as often as I’d like to: I get weary of writing the same thing on both my English blog and my French blog.

Once my English article is ready to post, I don’t feel like reproducing it in French, and vice-versa; the thrill is gone — I want to move on to something new. And to tell you the truth, I hate to translate, so imagine the fun I’ve been having over the past thirteen months.

But yesterday, on my walk back from the library, I had an aha! moment: I suddenly felt liberated from this self-imposed obligation of having identical blogs. From now on, each blog will be distinct and have a life of its own. I will do what I want, when I want, in whatever language I want.

Yet another milestone reached
on my road trip to happiness.
How sweet it is!

Why, you may ask, did I wait so long before taking this rather simple decision? I’m sure I could find many reasons that would explain my neurotic behaviour, but now is not the time to dwell on the past. Now is the time to snap out of this boring pattern, this masochistic discipline, and start using the rerouting opportunities presented to me by the Rune Raido.

In other words, I must master the art of being a bum
in order to boost my creativity.

We’ll see how that works out…

Treasure Map Massacre

Treasure Map Tips

1. Don’t make it too big.
2. Know what you want.
3. Don’t make it too big.

What I learned since starting the Treasure Map project:

• I’m 75% sure I made this map just to have something to blog about.
• Make that 99% sure.
• No enthusiasm = no magic = no way it’s going to work.
• The map being “in my face” all the time, I ended up
  not “seeing” it = not effective.
• I love my fake brick wall and its graffiti. I missed it.
• Huge house with a huge studio = don’t care for that anymore.
• Even if I’m now officially a bum, I’m a classy bum — I still want the Mmmm stuff.
• Bored with a project = drop it!
• The things I strongly desire are constantly in my thoughts,
  so the visualization is also constant.

Mentally dragging this Treasure Map / ball and chain for 10 months had me thinking BIG TIME — excellent!

Since I didn’t know exactly what I wanted, I came to realize that it was because I didn’t know exactly who I was — aha!

These days, I’m practicing being my true self.
Viva la vida bum.

Treasure Map — posted January 26, 2008
Treasure Map / Discovery Map — posted February 13, 2008
Law of Attraction / Treasure Map – Update (1) — posted July 18, 2008
Law of Attraction / Treasure Map – Update (1.5) — posted July 20, 2008
Law of Attraction / Treasure Map – Update (2) — posted July 25, 2008